good bye

And so I find these pieces of paper, all of this strange notes, short poems, things that my daughter had written a one point or another, and I find myself searching to find something, those pieces of the missing story, those parts of my child that I have missed in the process of teaching her how to be a grown up. I feel that first tear roll down and don’t care anymore if this was the days that she was mad at me and said terrible things to me, I don’t care if she was at some point or another disobeying my rules, neglecting her chores, the dogs, her sister, her parents. I just wish to know more about this person that became a woman in front of my eyes, and I don’t know very well.

Now that she is gone I can feel that she was some times confused, and she never could trust her mother because she was her mother, and one can never really relate to the mother no matter how much the mother tries to be a friend to her children. There is always that time when as you grow up, you can only know them as the authority, as the guide, as the people that only see right from wrong.

I wish I had spend more time listening, but I also wish she would have done the same.

Seems like we don’t really listen one another, not enough. I will listen more, I’ll try at least.

Today my daughter has left for college and I feel a big hole in my chest, and yet I feel a tremendous pride as she walks toward her future, her bright future, where she can only be the best she can be, and I know, she will be happy.

Best wishes D, best wishes to you.