Betsy Clark

Do you ever think about it? Those conversations that we have with ourselves, and that really never have an answer. I have bumped with the past in a very casual way, and the feeling was quite confusing, I transported myself to that one picture, back in the very old times when I was young and I though I knew what love was supposed to be. The pieces are the least relevant yet I saw this old man at an airport and I had the rushing feeling to say hi, to hug him, to say what a surprise to find you here! Do you remember me...and just then at that particular question I knew it was best to not even present myself, so I sort of walk fast avoiding the eye contact. Funny that I would even feel anything for this man who was never that kind to me. Yet that entire family was part of my life for about 4 years! I would eat at their house, and I would spend evenings singing while their son played the guitar. Those were the times of quests... do you ever wonder what would have happened?
I tend to do this very useless routines, where I imagine the what ifs and I walk half way that path well knowing I will never know, yet I still fall for this tricks of the pictures suspended in time.

I came back with a very weird feeling, like I should have done something different, or better yet, I should have not felt what I felt, but we really don't even know how will we react till you are faced with the situation and that feeling you didn't even know you preserve comes out rushing to the pit of your stomach.

I was just thinking about this and that took me to other memories, and my mind went way back, on the years I first learn about the pain of love. I remember the many friends I had in middle school and all their fatal attractions to the impossible boys of their dreams. The silly nick names we would give them, and the strategies we talked about to make them notice us. In a school of girls, our experience was very limited when it came to interacting with the opposite sex. Chinurris jump in my head, that name we gave to the boy of Gaby's dreams, that dark skin girl with funny hairdos that was in loved with the boy from her block, curly hair, slim and tall, all these details that we knew in the imagination since we only relied on each other's descriptions. So funny to think I could even picture this boy I never saw in my life! So jumping between memories came Carmen, with her long blondish hair and her sweet smile, my best friend during those years. I wonder what happened to her? I remember we got together at some point when another girl got hurt when we started college? In middle school we had a semi large group of friends, sort of like a team of six or seven? So one of those girls was involved in an accident while cheerleading with her two older sisters. They all actually attended my high school and were very popular. I remember that first day in high school when I saw her and I almost immediately knew we had lost any connection, we simply grew apart almost from the start. After high school I don't think I saw anybody again from those early years. But since there had been this accident and our common classmate was involved in this horrific accident (one of those strange stories that you just couldn't even imagine should happen to a group of girls cheerleaders just doing their regular thing). I was contacted by Carmen, I can't even remember  exactly how she knew. A man selling balloons full of helium had also almost burnt alive. Carmen called me and told me about the misfortune of this old classmate and her sisters. Three girls that had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and that left them all with 2nd and 3rd degree burns in large areas of their bodies.
When we finish middle school Carmen and I did not see each other again. The daily phone calls, the visits, the confidences, all of it stopped as soon as we were high schoolers. Sometime later, as we started college and because of this terrible accident I saw her again, and we went together to see our old friend and wish her a full recovery.

I wonder... what ever happened to her? Did she finish college? Is he still alive? I typed her name, I sat in front of my computer and I searched for her.
A wave of memories come back as I look for a sign of her existence. I asked my husband if he remembers this drawings, this cards that were so fashionable at the end of the 70s...nope, no idea, he says... I keep remembering, one evening of a heavy rain, no way for me to go back home, the street I walk as I think I have no other option but to ask if I could call my parents and ask them to come and pick me up.
The tea, the voice of her mother, that doll with long braids... how is that we store some memories of short episodes.
I wonder if she remembers me too.
Nowadays we have this amazing capability to find people. You type a name and many links appear that have something, may be related, may be not. But the job of a detective tracking somebody seems easier these days.
I typed her last name and nothing comes out. I cannot believe it....I am baffled by the fact that I cannot find anybody with such a unique pair of last names. Yes, we Mexican people carry two last names. My own daughters have two last names even when they are not registered Mexicans.
The one social media that every adult seems to use these days offered no answer, so I was a little disappointed, I go back and try again. I find her sister! Wow would she remember me? Should I even try? And I do, and she does remember me, and I get a number, I could actually talk with her! But would she want to talk to me? What will we talk about.

The texts start, and my eagerness to know, to connect through this written media will not suffice for her, and her patience is amazing, she said we will met when you come to visit. I will see her in three months!
It is a good thing people still has to wait for certain things, not everything is instant gratification.
I am actually strangely surprised again by my reaction. I want to know more, I want to talk/write yet I find it ok to have to wait.
Betsy Clark is the name! That is what we use to exchange those days, cards with Betsy Clark illustrations! Something tells me our memories will probably meet there, even if we don't remember anything else the same way.