good night mama

A year ago I had arrived home after spending the longest 10 days awaiting for my mother to recover, to wake up, to give me some sort of sign that she was just as strong as always. Yet the next morning she departed this world and I wasn’t there to be with all of my sisters.... why would that be? Why did I have to miss such an event?

I always find a way to justify all of the things that happened during this particular period. I don’t know how real they are or how little sense they all make to the rest of the world. All I know is that being the weakest of all, I imagine my mom didn’t wanted me to be there alone. 

And when I say this I am referring to that pain that is only yours, and nobody else can really know what you are feeling, even when you are connected to them in the same way. I am sure each sister had her own storm to withstand within ourselves.

You are alone in this process, you can’t be the older and the stronger sibling because right then all you are is a lost child, with a humongous hole in your chest.

I don’t want to go to bed without saying that I think of my mom very often, that I miss her loud happy laugh, and that I am very thankful she gave us so much richness in our life.

Missing you always mama…good night