the perfect place

so, I remember, don't exactly know why or how, I just know that this memories show up all of a sudden, and I wonder how is that we loose that thread that once was ours, and now has been divided into more than one end. I feel this tremendous necessity to describe that I seem to have found some equilibrium, some sort of middle peaceful room in that house that I call my soul. I stopped looking for what ever seemed that I had misplaced? Lost? I no longer need to search, and unlike most other similar situations, it is not that the missing item was recovered, or that I finally had found it. No, my peace comes from a different place. I remember this conversation I once had with a friend who said, so have you basically given up? And I realize now that as bad as that may sound, sometimes peace actually comes from giving up. But I am not talking about my dreams, or about keeping the desire to find the missing piece of this puzzle called life.

I think that somehow when we find the perfect reason, the grace, the equilibrium, kind of like when you go do yoga and the breathing actually is in the right rhythm and you no longer feel stressed, or uncomfortable, your muscles stopped fighting with you, and there is almost a relaxation happening inside out, I think that is where the peace comes from.

I wish I had a better way to explain it, but all I know is that I no longer look for anything, I no longer linger for the past, I no longer try to find happy endings, I don't feel trapped or lost, or missing pieces...I discover I never was lost, I never was missing pieces, and my past was the perfect memory to keep, the reminder of the times of youth, opotunities, growth.

I feel finally I am able to breath and let the muscles find their equilibrium. I am not afraid of falling, because if I do, I know that I can get up and try again one, two or as many times as needed. I know the fall, and the pain, I know the way the bruise looks and how to make it get better.

No longer I fight to be other than who I am.

I sit in this room fully aware that nothing can be taken for granted and that we are never static, just steady, relax, listening the breaths we take each time we need to reshape, to re-accomodate, to find the equilibrium. And I think of all of you and smile. I'm sure we will cross our paths once again one of these days and we can talk then about our lows and our highs, and nothing but happiness will fill our hearts.