So I finally realize that I have been saying goodbye to my
old habits and creating a new self. This sometimes has been hard…it has been
hard to unlearn those reactions that have taken me where I felt or thought had
made me so unhappy.
I wonder if a tragic event was supposed to happen to make
me finally find that I was mad, I was angry about my own choices as if I was
given no choice. But I had chosen freely to be where I am, so why the anger…
It is a question of attitude, someone said, it is all in
your power, you make those choices, you stay or you go.
So I decided to go, but in the process I realize I did
not want to leave. I was hurting too much. Love was painful, love had always
been painful, and finally I understood that it was the way is supposed to be.
Love is the extreme feeling of all sensations, happiness, anger, hate,
affection, tenderness, intimacy, sadness, regret, fear…
Love was just insanity, complexity, and as paradoxical as
it sounded it was also peace. I just needed to stop being angry and realize
that most of the time things had been pretty good, I had a great walk, my path
was still expanding right there in front of me and all I needed to do was to
walk it.
So now I know, I understand that it has been about
learning how to say goodbye to all those bad habits, all those reactions
learned in the past, all those negative perceptions of what should come after
each different scenario. It was time to say goodbye to the wrong way of walking
this life, and embrace again all of the corners, the pain was a good thing,
love was indeed there, I could feel it and it was good to say I was still
capable of giving just as much as I have always done it.
Good bye, so long, I am happy again, no more anger to
spill, no more no more no more to regret.
